Here’s what I wanted to name this blog:

Love that Feels Like Home And Other Things You Absolutely Deserve

There. Its in the blog, Title runner up # 1. It didn’t go with the graphic I REALLY wanted to create in my head so I couldn’t go with it.

I know. Creative probs.

ANYWAYS, let me start doing what I do best. Sharing my opinion 😉

So ya’ll, here’s the thing.  I love the modern age. I love that we have Uber, Amazon Prime, and any tv show you want at your finger tips (without commercials too!). I like that I can order my food ahead on my iphone and it will be ready  as soon as I get to the restaurant and not a moment later.  I like pizza delivery or any food delivery AT ALL. It’s so convenient right? It makes everything 10x easier and frees up your schedule so you can do other things. I would even venture to say that its productive.

Until that person gets your food order wrong, YIKES. Or until your package is a day late when you needed it yesterday. I mean, who else gets pissed when their Netflix won’t LOAD? Geez, what’s wrong with my internet and why is it lagging? So what do you do? You demand a refund, compensation, or some type of quick retribution to right that wrong. You run to go check the wifi, you unplug the router over and over again. You call customer service, Apple care, or anyone who will pick up the phone, to complain about a “minor” inconvenience. Then, you haggle, fuss, and become a grouch because something wasn’t fast enough or perfect enough. Right?

Mhmm, yup thats you.

I would say that we are a little obsessed with perfection at this point in civilization, so much so that we act the same way with people.When it comes to dating; we treat people like they are as disposable as a fast food order , an uber ride, or a Netflix show that we use to numb out for entertainment. Once we are done, we are done. We get bored, we swipe left, we nitpick and only leave 1 star with no tip.

Okay, maybe I got a little too carried away, I know we aren’t literal uber rides!  However this very fast and productive culture has blurred the lines between people and objects. So in our minds they should be entertaining, nearly perfect, and productive.

We don’t have to commit because there are a billion options to choose from anyways. And can’t we “try” them all? There are a lot of subscriptions that allow you to simply pay month to month. There’s no binding contract, so you don’t have to count the cost. That, my friends, is how some of us treat our romantic interactions with the opposite sex. I didn’t say that we were together. I told him that we were just trying things out. There wasn’t supposed to be any pressure. We were just having fun.

We settle for what looks like the fast track to getting our needs met when really we are just setting ourselves up.We forsake real intimacy for empty affections.It makes it easy to get what we want and even easier for us to leave. In the name of ” getting to know someone”  we fall into the arms or the inbox (for us celibate folk!  hey, emotional ties can be just as binding as physical ones). So we do all the things that people in a committed, romantic relationship would do, but instead we do it with multiple people in non-committal bonds. It’s not a shortcut, its making us immune to what intimacy REALLY is. It’s fast food; a quick snack at midnight to hold you over, and it never really satisfies.

I know, OUCH. I’m stepping on my own toes. Ya’ll, I’m no holier than thou nun. How do you think I’m writing about this?  I have been through heartbreak, stops and starts, and situationships.

I have used men for my own “midnight snack”, something quick that would quiet my aching broken heart: “just until morning comes.” I would say. “Just until it gets better, just until it doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

I get it.  And I’m not against dating or getting to know people. I’m against using it as a numbing technique or to fill voids that only God Himself can fill. I’m against dating someone because we are lonely and hurting. I’m against settling for the first person who hits you back after sending out a ton of separate text messages. I’m against fast, rushed, and pressured because we feel like time is running out. I’m against agonizing over text messages and cryptic silence that makes your stomach lurch at the reminder of yet another rejection.

You deserve to meet someone out of the blue. At a cafe or at church, or at a bookstore. Maybe you hit it off, have a chat over coffee, and slowly form a bond that’s slow cooked but sweet. You don’t rush into anything because you don’t need to. You are savoring the process. Smelling all the yummy flavors coming together, over time.  You might become friends first, than more. Like the sun melting into yellows, pinks, oranges, and settling into the night before you know it. You can sit back and watch it unfold, the marvelous journey of it all. You pace yourself, observing and making sure that indeed, this IS what you want. You deserve to build trust until you feel comfortable enough for emotional intimacy.

You deserve a steady love. Like long drives home and consistent family Sunday dinners. Like a warm hug at the end of the day. Like your favorite sweater. Something that feels like home.

Yes, this sounds beautiful. But its something you’ll have to wait for. It’s not a microwaveable process. You’ll have to create boundaries and do the work to make sure you aren’t falling into meaningless attachments.

Happy Valentines Day friends, the journey is so much more beautiful when it’s meaningful. Praying for all of us 20 and 30-somethings who are navigating the craziness of dating these days. Keep it simple. Keep it centered around someone who was both God and Man, who lived and died for you. Than rose again. His love is big enough to hold all of us and our wayward hearts.

Love you deep,