Trigger Mapping: How I Deal With My Triggers

aprilhargrove93@gmail.com May 30, 2020

Note: This is an example that is very loosely based on past experiences that I have run into. The “example” situation was created to present a generic scenario that everyone has probably found themselves in. This is not an attempt to call out, shame, or embarrass anyone I have had  conflict with internally, so please don’t think I’m throwing shade to anyone. When I process using this method, I usually don’t find the need address the conflict because when I’m triggered, its largely to do with me alone and no one else. Enjoy!

I slowly felt the shame, indignation, and offense creep its way into my body as the idea that I had presented was quickly shot down. I had prepared excitedly, and I just KNEW that my idea would be met with the same enthusiasm that I felt as I planned out the details beforehand. In one fell swoop, another solution was presented and my idea was bookmarked for another time.

I quietly shut down; nodding here and there,but inside trigger shot thoughts were firing off.

I’m not qualified enough, of course they would shoot down my idea.

No one ever listens to me.

I don’t belong here.

I didn’t present anymore ideas and I drove home after the team meeting feeling upset that I even felt this way, but also still slightly offended.

My raw emotions were riddled with feelings of being disregarded.

I felt stuck. I didn’t want to seem selfish and demand that my idea should come FIRST; because essentially its not about me.
 
But I also wondered why I couldn’t seem to command a room the way I felt I needed to. I wondered if I came off as weak and without a voice. If someone else comes in and domineers a room, I am not one to have it result in a power struggle. That’s just me.
 
If I REALLY disagree I will speak up; but if not I will back off.
 
This confirmed an internal lie that screamed out at me:
You will always be pushed to the back, you aren’t respected and your voice is not heard.
 
For me, coming home and typing out all my feelings on my laptop is literal THERAPY. So that night, that’s what I did. I processed how I felt, and what the resolution was. I didn’t need to stay upset at people that I knew meant well, and that I would eventually work with again.
 
Here’s where “trigger mapping” comes in. I started this last year, on my own. It became a way for me to process my emotions and I found that I was MUCH more clear after filtering my feeling through this “map”.
Here are the steps I went through:
  1. Identified my Goals for Processing My Feelings
    • What clarity do I need to gain?
    • How would I like to feel after this?
  2. Backstory
    • Writing out what happened really helps you walk back through the triggers you may have felt throughout.
    • Laying this out will help you identify each feeling that popped up.
  3. Unfiltered Feelings
    • A lot of times we feel shame around our true feelings. This causes us to suppress them.
    • In this space, its safe to feel exactly how you feel. Sit with your feelings because they are the clues to what needs healing.
    • Write every part of how you feel out, and don’t allow shame to keep you quiet in this sacred space. Your feelings don’t define you.
  4. What is True/Resolution
    • Imagine what you would say to a friend if they went through the same situation. Speak to yourself from that place of grace and wisdom.
    • What is true and what are you assuming? Try not to give energy to any part of a conversation or interaction where you are assuming what someone is thinking about you.

I created a physical trigger map and you can use it to help guide you through your triggers using the tools that I provided for you above!

Please sign up to be on my email list here so that you can receive your very own blank copy on this coming Monday! (don’t worry, I won’t spam you! lol)

So, what resolve did I come to?

Here’s a peek into my journal from that day:

  1. I think it was good that you didn’t fight for your idea. Essentially, and realistically it would have been too much to do all of that in one session. Remember, you idea was pushed down, but not you and your voice. You have a tendency to shut down when you feel rejected; but in situations like this stay engaged. Don’t fight for control but realize your input and your voice is still important. Keep speaking and presenting ideas; even if they are not utilized. The lie loses its power when you keep engaging. Sometimes ideas are a hit or miss. It’s nothing to take personally.
  2. Remember that God sees you. Say what’s needed. Serve when possible. And stay humble. God will lift you up when needed. He doesn’t need you to be the loudest in the room or to dominate. Those characteristics don’t always mean strength for you.  Before each meeting, encounter, etc…ask Him what He needs you to do and be in that setting. And have grace that He has you even when you are in the background. The only thing that matters is that He sees you.
  3. Play up your partner’s strengths, and realize that they do not take away from yours ❤️ Be confident in your strengths so that you aren’t threatened by theirs.
  4. Play down ego. An idea is just that. You don’t need to push your  agenda for affirmation. Keep the whole picture in mind. Keep your ideas surrendered. It’s not about you

I walked away with so much clarity. All because I identified what my true feelings were and sorted through them.

I pray this helps you acknowledge and work through your feelings!

It certainly has helped me calm my emotions down PLENTY of times.

Just FYI, I’m not a licensed therapist or counselor however I believe this is a great resource to use before, during, or after your  therapy sessions in order to help you process.

I’m no expert, I’m just sharing what works for me!

Have a happy Saturday and I’ll talk to you later.

xo,